Doctor Ken
by emotionless-robot
Summary: TK and Kari are having some relationship problems, and consequently turn to Ken for the answers... ensuring their fate as his personal guinea pigs. Challenge fic.
1. Doctor Ken Is In The House

This is a challenge fic I got from Expired In Goreville... I've stopped counting how many challenges I've done--it's too much for me to keep up with XD The requirements were pretty straightforward, and there was a phrase to include (that'll be later), so I"m gonna skip out on posting those... Hope you like the story!!

* * *

She cornered him as soon as he walked out of the ice cream store that he frequented after school. Apparently his extra-curricular activities were no longer covert. He'd have to try to be more secretive in the future.

"I need your help." She pleaded with despair.

Ken took a step back, trying to regain some distance between himself and her devilishly imploring eyes, and raised an eyebrow.

"What do you need _my_ help for, Kari?"

He was conscious of the mint-pumpkin scoop of ice cream slowly melting and dripping against his left hand, which was clutching the wafer cone. Mint-pumpkin was his absolute favourite, and the shop he had just vacated was the only one that sold it in the city, as far as he knew. Liquefying beneath his wondrous concoction was Wormmon's scoop as well—bubblegum flavoured. Ken had never understood the Digimon's interest in the girly flavour, and doubted that he ever would.

"I'll explain it later… let's just say for now that TK and I are in a rough patch, and we need some outside help to fix this whole mess. We'll drop by your house around six, okay?"

She smiled at him gratefully, and then walked off, leaving Ken stranded in the middle of the busy sidewalk, bubblegum-mint-pumpkin ice cream coating his hand. He was exceedingly bamboozled at the thought of Kari and TK fighting. What was it all about? Could he really help solve their relationship problems? Time would tell.

* * *

Sitting crossed legged on his computer chair, Ken faced the two teens before him, each on their own respective chaises. Ken twirled around on the chair a couple of times, getting slightly dizzy, before he realized they were waiting for him to say something.

"Want some Jolly Ranchers?" he offered, thrusting a small bowl filled with the tasty candy at TK and Kari.

They each took a few, before TK asked the question Ken was dying to hear the answer to: "Why are we here, exactly?"

Kari sighed through her nose, as if the answer was obvious, and said to him, "_Because, _TK, _Ken is going to help us_."

Ken cleared his throat quietly to try and get his friend's attention, but it seemed as though he did it too softly, because they did not take notice of him.

"With _what, _Kari?"

"With our relationship, you—"

"_O-_kay… why don't we take a breather for starters?" Ken suggested, pulling his handy dandy notepad from one of his many drawers. He certainly didn't want them to commence a battle of the sexes in the middle of his bedroom, with his parents not 10 metres away. "And why don't you tell us what you think is the problem here, Kari?"

Kari sat up straighter, understanding that this was the only chance she'd get at presenting her case.

"For the past few weeks, TK and I have been… not getting along as well as we used to, and while I don't want to point fingers, it's his fault."

TK looked outraged at this, and glared at her, but kept his mouth shut.

"You see, TK has his basketball, and while that's fine, and I support him in that, I think that he could be a _little_ bit more proactive when it comes to his _fan girls_."

Ken frowned at the use of the term "proactive"—that was one of _his_ words. Kari must have thought about this speech quite a bit. He gave her a gesture to continue.

"I mean, he knows they're there, and yet, every single time, what does he do to stop them from climbing all over him and planting kisses on him? Nothing! Not a damn thing! And it's driving me up the wall, Ken!"

"Now, hold on a sec!" TK countered. "You've got guys crawling over you at school, but you don't do anything to stop _them_."

"That's because they're harmless, Takeru. Don't tell me how to live my life."

"Do you see what she's doing, Ken! She's the biggest hypocrite of life, and she just sits there and stares at me, as if _she's_ the innocent one here!"

Ken was leaning in TK's favour slightly. He did not believe Kari's statement of "harmless boys" was entirely true—he knew a few of them himself, and they were far from cuddly bunnies. Kari was being a bit of a hypocrite, yes, but TK overreacted to the simplest things at the worst times. Like, that time when Davis had accidentally slipped on some spilled juice, and coincidentally landed on TK, who was right behind him. TK hadn't talked to Davis for a month, ensuring his status as grudge-holder of the group.

It was a definite possibility that he was dramatizing the situation.

"I don't know what to say, guys. This is more complicated than I thought." Ken glanced down at his notes, as if consulting them, when in reality he was finishing up the drawing of a turkey he had been doing for the last few minutes. It was _almost_ perfect. "I'm going to have to go more in-depth with this evaluation in order to identify and isolate the problem, and then come up with a diagnosis that is treatable. I'll have to conduct several experiments, and have some one-on-one sessions with each of you. This process may take some time, and I hope you are willing to try some newer-age testing for this dilemma. Are we clear?"

They both nodded, their heads bobbing up and down as they agreed to hand themselves over to Ken's experimentations for the few weeks. They really had no idea what was in store for them.

Doctor Ken was in the house.

* * *

There it is!! I've never tries juggling two stories at once (let alone two chapter stories) so I'll have to see how well that works out!!

Also, if you have any ideas, or something you want me to write, gimme a shout, and I'll see what I can do!!

Reviews are appreciated. Thanks!!


	2. Grapes of Destiny

Here's the second chapter guys. Thanks to those who reviewed the last one - you guys made my day!!

Hope you all like this one, I made it a bit longer just for you!!

Disclaimer on profile.

* * *

Kari's one-on-one session with Ken was planned for Saturday afternoon, at the mall. Ken hid in the shadows as she strolled through her domain of frilly pink skirts and lacy, revealing tops that were not made for sensitive eyes.

Kari started ranting about all the difficulties of hers and TK's relationship as she stood in the change room, trying on various outfits.

"I mean, do _you_ ever do that to Yolei, Ken?"

"Uh, of course not," Ken scoffed, "as if I would ever take off my socks when I was around her."

"Thank you!" Kari yelled out. "It's so disgusting when he peels off those grimy socks when we're watching a movie. And then, if you can believe it, he ends up putting his feet on the table! Ugh, he makes me so mad!"

The door flew open, and Ken glanced up to see Kari red-faced from anger, and glaring at her reflection in the mirror.

"What do you think of this dress?" she asked, twirling around gracefully so he could see all sides.

"Uh, sure. It looks great." Ken had lots of experience dealing with Yolei whenever she went shopping, and it seemed now was the perfect time to practice his well-rehearsed lines. All this wouldn't have been necessary, of course, seeing as how Yolei had offered to tag along, but Ken preferred to have some privacy with his clientele, and Yolei would have proved to be a distraction for his subject.

"Okay, I think I'll get this one."

Kari returned to the dressing room, shuffling around and sliding clothes off and then back on again.

"I don't want you to get the wrong impression, Ken." Kari said suddenly. "I like TK, I really do. He sweet, and funny, and considerate. Not to mention adorable. He's just the kind of guy I need right now. I couldn't imagine breaking up with him, so that's why I asked for your help—because I want him to know that before he gets fed up with me." She sighed, and headed to the check out.

"Fed up with you? I don't think I follow."

"It's just… I know we've known each other for a really long time, and I probably know him better than most, but he has so much potential to 'play the field' for a while, as some would say, and I can't help but know that one day he's going to realize that, and end up leaving me for someone better."

"I see." Ken said, not really seeing at all.

Kari and TK meshed together nicely, as far as he was concerned, and TK had never even glanced at another girl when Kari was around. This brought up the idea that maybe TK was thinking the same thing about his girlfriend—she did attract a whole lot of attention from the male population—and was worrying about _her_ leaving _him_. If that was the case, then they were both a bit messed-up in the head, and needed to communicate better. Ken jotted a note on his notepad about better communication techniques that they could possibly go over, but for now they had to do some basic testing.

* * *

The next day, on Ken's bedroom balcony, with the bright sun glaring at them from overhead, TK and Kari sat on plump, plush pillows, with a grape in front of each of them. Ken's balcony faced the west, where the hot sun was travelling, and in mere moments Kari and TK would be in full view of its blazing power. Ken sat just inside the doors, sipping on his iced tea, and fanning himself with his notepad. A stopwatch lay beside him, ready to start timing whatever this was.

"Alright, lady and gentleman, get ready for your first experiment."

"What are we supposed to do, Ken? Eat the grape?"

"Of course not, TK. You're not allowed to eat at all. Or move. Or have something to drink. Or go to the bathroom. You are stuck on that pillow until you decide to give up."

"I don't understand." Kari voiced her confusion.

"For the next while," Ken explained, "both of you are going to watch these grapes dry out and turn into raisins."

"That's insane!" TK cried. "The sun will be too hot to sit around here all day, pointlessly watching this fruit slowly get turned into a raisin. That kind of thing takes more than a few hours, you know."

"Yes, TK, I know that. However, this is an important part of my research, so you will co-operate for my sake, all right? Now, we shall begin in fifteen seconds. Prepare yourselves."

Ken thought his plan was ingenious. He could have gotten them to watch grass grow, but that was too overused, so instead he got them to watch grapes shrivel up into raisins. He had not told them what this experiment was supposed to prove, because he preferred to keep his reasons to himself. Once it was over, he would gladly let them know why he had forced them to stare at an edible object for hours without any sort of comfort or relief—if they stayed around to hear it. He had a feeling they wouldn't be so keen to participate in his testing after this. For now though, he would watch them squirm under the sun's eye while he sipped ice-cold beverages, and lounged in front of the wondrous air-conditioning. It truly was a hot day. He almost felt sorry for them.

"And… begin."

For the first half an hour, all was going fine. It was uncomfortable, but Kari and TK got used to just sitting there, not really doing anything at all.

And then things started heating up.

The sun began to bake and roast them in its oven-hot fire, making sweat drip down their foreheads, and compelling them to wish they hadn't worn any clothes at all. Thoughts of getting a nice tan went out of their heads as they worried about sunburn, and just imagining a glass of water made them drool in wanting. The black pillows that had once seemed so nice and comfy were now hot to the touch, and sitting on a pile of smashed-up bricks would have been more preferable. Or a swarm of bloodthirsty cockroaches. Maybe even a mound of cacti, heaped together to form a very pointy seat.

It was going to be a long afternoon.

Not once did Ken grow bored of watching his patients watch a grape. It was fascinating, anticipating who would be the one to crack first. His nerves kept him on the brink of expectation throughout the session, and he couldn't wait to add the final results to his growing collection of evidence.

He didn't have to wait long.

Only an hour into the experiment, TK said, groaning, "Is it almost done yet?"

Kari whimpered, her lips long sealed shut from constantly licking them and having the heat glue them together.

Ken nudged the sliding door open a bit to reply, "I don't know. Is your grape a raisin yet?"

"No." TK sighed. "But it is looking a bit wrinkly… does that count?"

"Sorry, but no. It has to be a fully-shrivelled raisin. You can always quit." Ken said, and TK thought he heard a hint of hopefulness in his voice. The heat was finally getting to his head.

Kari tried stretching her fingers unsuccessfully and considered doing just that. The idea of going inside those glass doors, and getting a drink of cool, refreshing water sounded like heaven. She willed herself to hold out for another couple of minutes, at least. Just long enough to beat TK at whatever it was they were doing. She knew him sufficiently to be able to tell when he was on the verge of breaking down, and now was that time.

Ken closed the door separating them as TK huffed, and he tried to get back into the position he had been in for the last 60 minutes. He rolled his neck, popping a few joints and exhaled slowly, struggling to calm the tension he felt.

He failed miserably.

Not two minutes later, TK jumped up, wobbling a bit, and slammed open the entrance to his paradise. He flopped down on the floor, collapsing, and letting the soothing waves of the air-conditioned atmosphere wash over his sweaty, exhausted body.

Kari entered seconds after him, but was more refined as she sat stiffly on the seat Ken offered her.

"Okay, I have my answers now. You guys can go. See you tomorrow!" Ken said cheerfully to his friends. They glared at him and slugged their way out of his apartment, vowing to never return to that awful place.

Ken just smiled as he merrily made some notes on his clipboard. Part one of the testing was done and over with. The whole point of that test was to see who would quit the fastest. Ken had made the conditions terrible to cope with, knowing that only an insane person would try to stay out there for the entire afternoon—or worse, until the grape actually turned into a raisin.

TK had given up first, leading Ken to the revelation he was looking for—TK was obviously the sane one of the relationship, for quitting as soon as he couldn't take it anymore. Kari had been prepared to hold out as long as possible, effectively beating TK in her mind, when really; it just made her look like a crazy person.

Ken chuckled and strolled over to the fridge to get some more chilled water. He was having a blast.

* * *

There it is. The next chapter will have TK's one-on-one session with Ken, and maybe another experiment, if I can think of a good one to use. Again, if you have any suggestions, ideas, or requests, don't hesitiate to PM me. I will try to incorporate them XD

The next chapter of "Love Defined" should be out by Wednesday-ish. I'm going to try to get it out by then, at least.

Reviews are appreciated. Thanks.


	3. Operation: Communication Part One

This is out later than I intended, and I'm sorry for that... I recently discovered a new anime show, and it has me hooked, so I guess that's one of my lame excuses XD

As a completely irrelevant side note, I've also been thinking about getting a beta, but that has yet to be determined. I'm still looking around and such to see what's out there.

Disclaimer on profile.

* * *

TK refused to have his one-on-one with Ken at the Ichijouji residence, so Ken was forced to heave his backpack, laden down with useless homework that he could do blindfolded and while eating a box of raisins (he snickered to himself at the mention of _raisins_), all the way to TK's house for their appointment.

He traveled to the right floor of the building, using the rickety elevator. Ken gulped throughout the ride as the metal box seemed to sway and wobble as it climbed inch by inch. He literally wanted to kiss the dirty hallway ground as soon as he got off of the death trap, but his sensible side took over and refused to let him go to such drastic measures to prove his thankfulness. He'd just have to remember to use the emergency staircase next time, to avoid using that awful contraption.

The door to TK's apartment was slightly ajar; therefore Ken did not feel the need to knock the wood of said door to announce his presence. Slipping off his perfectly polished shoes, Ken then stepped silently into his friend's room to begin what he hoped would be an informative meeting.

TK was pacing with his cellular telephone pressed against his ear—an unusual occurrence as far as Ken was concerned. He frowned as he listened to the blonde's conversation with whoever was on the other line.

"I never said that! Stop trying to make _me_ seem like the bad guy here, Kari!"

Ken nodded, as if to himself at this recent development. Their relationship appeared to be even more strained than normal, which only intensified his urge to go over some communication techniques this session.

"We'll talk about this later, okay? I gotta go—Ken's here." TK's phone snapped shut and he tossed it on the desk angrily. He huffed a bit, flopping on the bed, before saying, "So, are we going to do this or what?"

Ken perched daintily on the chair in front of the desk, and replied, "Why don't you start by telling me what _that_ was all about?"

"It's just Kari being… moody. I swear this kind of thing happens on a regular basis, like a pattern, or something…" TK glared at the ceiling, pondering why this happened, and Ken flushed pink, knowing the answer he was looking for—Yolei had been nice enough to explain in great detail _why_ she got mad at him for no reason.

"Just between us," Ken started tentatively, "I have some advice on how to handle _those _kinds of situations…"

TK sat up, now interested in what was coming out of Ken's mouth.

"You see… when Yolei's mad at me, I shove a pillow over my face to make her think that I'm suffocating so she'll stop yelling… it works pretty well, actually."

TK absorbed this new tidbit of information, and vowed to store it away for future use.

"But don't tell her I told you, okay?" Ken requested suddenly. If Yolei ever found out that he did those suffocating acts on purpose, she'd chop of his… well, she'd mangle a part of him that he preferred to keep attached. "Anyways, let's move on. Tell me more about your views on your relationship with Kari."

TK took a deep breath and began ranting. Ken poised his hand above the notepad, ready to decipher whatever TK was going to throw at him.

"Kari is perfect. There's no other way to describe her. She's so innocent and cute—I can't get enough of her. I even imagine about talking to her in class, and I think about what we could discuss, and what her reactions might be, and how _I_ would reply to her… it sounds lame, but what else am I supposed to do during math class? Anyways, I had this sort-of vision once, and we were at the park, I think. She was lying down, reading a book, and I swear she looked like an angel. And then, she turned her head to look at me, squinting a bit from the sun's glare, and then she smiled at me. Just smiled… but it made me feel so happy and complete. Ever since then, that's how I've always felt whenever I'm in her presence… or at least, that's how it was before all this fighting started."

Ken tried not to gag at all the cheese spewing from TK's mouth. He tried to be romantic with Yolei, true, but he did it in a way that was creative and original. For example, on her last birthday she had asked for something to remember him by, in case they ever had to be separated (Ken couldn't come up with a reason as to why she wouldn't just give him a call, were they ever to be unconnected, but he had learned by that point that it was best not to ask questions) so Ken gave her a lock of his own hair. Once his mother had found what he had done, she had deemed it necessary to lecture him on what was appropriate to give your girlfriend and what was _not_. Ken's gift had fallen into the latter category in her eyes, but Ken had hardcore evidence to Yolei's appreciation of this gift… i.e. she kept it in a plastic bag that stayed with her at all times, and she was constantly reaching into her pocket to stroke it and pet it, treasuring it like the prize she thought it was.

Ken got back on track as he heard the tone of misery in TK's voice as he continued.

"I don't know what to do to make her happy anymore. Some days I think that everything is going good, and we're on the mend. But then the next day I say something wrong, or she makes me angry for whatever reason, and we're back to square one. It's like running around in circles, chasing your own tail like a dog, Ken, and I don't know how to stop."

Ken scribbled on his notebook for a few moments, and then deduced that TK was done chatting for the night… or so he thought. It was time to implement "Operation: Communication".

Ken couldn't wait.

* * *

The second part of this may be out sometime during the weekend - but no promises.

The phrase for the challenge is in this chapter - it's the bit about pillow suffocation... I honestly think that's one of the best lines I've ever heard XD

Reviews are appreciated. Thanks.


	4. Operation: Communication Part Two

Oh dear. I feel so guilty for not updating sooner. Shame on me, I know.

Disclaimer on profile.

* * *

"TK, come with me." Ken instructed. He clutched his notepad to his body as he marched out into the living room, where the ugliest pair of plaid-covered couches existed. They were either made in the '90's, or TK's mother had worse fashion sense than a 107-year old lady.

Ken perched delicately on the fugly furniture and cleared his throat as TK sat on the matching loveseat across from him.

"Now, TK, tell me: how often do you compliment Kari?" Ken peered at him, expecting his answer.

"Uh, I don't know… sometimes?"

"I'm sorry, you're going to have to be just a bit more vague," Ken said sarcastically.

"Okay, fine… I usually don't. Only when we go on dates or whatever."

Ken nodded, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "I see. Therein lies the problem, young Takeru. By not expressing your admiration for her beauty, you are subconsciously implying that you think she is fat."

"WHAT?!" TK shouted. "That's insane! I've never said ANYTHING like that!"

Ken sighed, "Calm down. I have gone over this issue a million times in my own relationship, and I am well aware that it doesn't make sense. However, the fact of the matter is, girls have no self-esteem when not flattered. No doubt Kari has been feeling this way for quite some time, seeing as how the two of you have not gone on a date in the past while, and it's very probable that some of your arguments are being derived from this insecurity that she has been carrying around. You see?"

TK blinked.

"That being said, when was the last time she complimented _you_?" Ken asked.

"… I don't remember." TK admitted. "I'm not sure she ever has, actually." He frowned, searching the recesses of his mind for a memory that would, under no circumstances, make itself known to him.

Ken mumbled to himself dramatically, if only to increase the tragedy of this situation, "This is worse than I thought…" He sighed, and then said at a normal volume, "We'd better get started."

TK hunched over in his seat and chewed nervously on his lip, waiting to see what Ken would throw at him this time.

"Tell me, TK," Ken enquired, "do you like it when Kari wears plaid?"

TK glanced down at the fabric covering the furnishings beneath him, noticing the connection between Ken's question and his mother's choice in furnishings, and replied, "Yeah, I suppose."

"Do you think it makes her look sexy?"

TK spluttered a bit before responding, "What? What has _that_ got to do with anything?"

"Just answer the question."

"Okay… yeah, it makes her look sexy."

Ken smiled brightly, saying, "Good, then this experiment will work out wonderfully! Now, I want you to pretend that that _lovely_ sofa you're sitting on is Kari."

"Oh no… no, no, no, no, no! This is another one of those crazy ideas of yours that will eventually lead to me spending five years in a therapy group all because you wanted to have some fun, isn't that right?!" TK fumed.

Ken calmly stared at his deranged friend, and said, "No, of _course not_. This is simply… practice, per se. Do you really want to go up to Kari tomorrow with the intention of praising her, and choke up like any other person of the male species? _No_, is the answer you're looking for there. Now, I want you to stand in front of that… _thing_ and just say whatever you would say to Kari."

TK looked at him dubiously, but did as he was told so that his back was facing Ken. He took a breath and exhaled heavily. His hands shook and grew clammy as he continued to stare at the mocking red and black plaid fabric he was addressing.

"Uh… umm… you look, err, nice today, Kari…" TK trailed off uncertainly, peeking back at Ken. His mentor's face was hidden behind the infamous notepad to cover up his laughing features. TK gave his full attention to the couch once again and said to it, "I really like your outfit… it suits you?"

"Okay, stop." Ken coached. "That was terrible. If you said that to her, she'd break down into tears and that is a situation that you are not equipped to handle, so we want to avoid that at all costs. Now, why don't you close your eyes for the first little bit? Give yourself a nice visual of Kari wearing the sexiest piece of plaid you ever did lay eyes on, and then use those tingly emotions to express what you're really thinking. At this moment, that plaid couch is Kari, and she is one sexy beast. Just let it all out, TK. Let it _all_ out."

TK closed his eyes as instructed, cracked his knuckles and rotated his shoulders, as if he were a boxer preparing for a fight. Ken leaned forward in anticipation of what was to come.

"Kari," TK began steadily, "I really like your outfit today. I think that plaid skirt makes you look… sexy." Ken bit down on his fist to stop the giggles from erupting. "Yeah, you heard me, Kari. I think that plaid makes you look damn hot and I'm not afraid to say it. The way you walk, with your hips moving side to side like that, makes me want to throw you to the floor, rip off your clothes and ravish you…"

TK continued with his rant about how much he wanted to smex Kari up, but Ken wasn't listening, due to the fact that he was pulling a desperate suffocating act in order to hopefully hide himself from the wrathful look of anger plastered upon TK's mother's face. She stood in the doorway, listening to her teenage son rant about his not-so-innocent fantasies, and she did not look happy.

Ken whimpered.

* * *

Uh oh... haha, TK's such a naughty boy in this chapter XD

Reviews are appreciated, thanks!


	5. A Fruity Discussion

Here's the next one. A note: This would not actually have been completed without the prompt from SugarSpiral, from whom I also burgled the fruit-idea from. You'll see what I mean XD

Disclaimer on profile.

* * *

Nancy Takashi sat her son and his innocent friend down at the kitchen table, glaring at them with her irate eyes. She had known this day would come eventually—he was a teenage boy, after all—but she just hadn't expected him to be declaring his love for the living room sofa, with one of his friends sitting _right there_. It just wasn't right. _It wasn't natural._ She had expected to find him in his bedroom with his girlfriend or something. Something _normal_ at the very least. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that your son liked expressing his fantasies to your old, ragged couch. She wondered how long this had been going on.

"Uh, TK, sweetie." Nancy began, "How long have you been doing… this?"

"It was a one-time thing, Mom, I swear!" TK pleaded. "Besides, Ken made me do it!"

"I did not!" Ken opposed. "You've got to believe me, Mrs. Takashi; I would never force TK into doing anything of the sort! You know me! I'm Ken Ichijoji, Boy Genius." For the first time in his life, Ken was glad to be able to use that title.

TK gaped at him, face red with rage, and TK's mom said, laughing, "Sorry, Ken, but your 'Boy Genius' status won't do you any good in _this_ household. Here, everyone is just a person."

Ken frowned, wishing that Nancy could have been one of those mothers who fawned over him and believed any lies that spewed from his mouth without doubt. TK grinned wickedly at his mother's stubbornness.

"Don't think you're getting off that easy, mister. And wipe that smug grin off your face." Nancy said, pointing a manicured nail at her son. "Now, where did I put those groceries?"

By this point, Nancy was talking to herself, and rummaging around in the fridge drawers, evidently looking for something."

"Uh, Mom?" TK asked, bewildered. "What are you doing?"

"I should have done this a while ago, I know, but I always thought that I wouldn't have to go through this torture, for some reason."

"Torture?" TK squeaked, alarmed by her choice of words.

"Ken, dear, you can go home if you want. I'm not sure if you'll want to hear this, and your parents have probably already given you The Talk."

TK blushed madly and covered his face with his hands, groaning, while Ken raised his eyebrows. It was true he had never gotten The Talk from his parents, but that was because he already knew everything he needed to know. There wasn't much they could teach a genius. However, Ken had a sneaking suspicion that this might be fun to watch.

"It's okay, Mrs. Takashi. My parents never got around to it."

"Well, then," Nancy said, smiling, "I'm sure this will be very informative for you."

Ken smiled back, listening to TK say, "What's all the fruit for, Mom?"

Nancy sighed. "Hiroki gave Matt The Talk when he was just a few months younger than you, and he said that this way worked with him, so I'm going to try it, and hopefully it'll stick with you." She cracked her knuckles, preparing herself. She picked up a pear and an orange, and began her eerie version of The Talk.

She smushed the two fruits together, and made kissing noises that were, Ken imagined, supposed to be coming from the fruits.

"_Oh, Mr. Pear!" Miss Orange said._

"_Hey, Miss Orange," Mr. Pear said deviously, "do you want to go _all the way_?"_

"_I don't know…" Miss Orange responded._

"_Come on! It'll be fun!" Mr. Pear encouraged naughtily._

_Mr. Pear started kissing Miss Orange again, and she said, "__Oh, Mr. Pear, do you think this is responsible?"_

_He replied, _"_But I love you Miss Orange—my fruity groin wants you!"_

_And then they were rather rudely interrupted by Supreme Overlord Banana, who scolded, "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU SEEDLINGS ARE DOING!? DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO YOUR RAGING HORMONES!!"_

_Miss Orange and Mr. Pear apologized, and said that they would NEVER do anything like that again, until they were married, and were old enough to accept the consequences that come with having sex._

"The end." Mrs. Takashi said, finished with her performance. "So, what do you guys think?"

TK was trying to strangle himself with the collar of his shirt, and Ken was staring at the fruits, disturbed.

"Any questions?" Nancy asked, putting away the fruits back in their respective places.

"… Matt got that same presentation?" Ken inquired, latching on to anything remotely sane.

"Oh, yeah." Nancy answered. "Hiroki said Matt absolutely loved it! So I figured TK would like it too."

"Oh yeah, I loved it Mom." TK fibbed, trying not to throw up.

"Oh good. I was worried that you would think it was too weird or something."

"Or something…" Ken said. He guessed now was as any a good time to leave. He stood up, declaring, "Well, I'm glad we had this little chat, but I must be going now. My parents will be wondering where I am."

"Oh! Of course—you don't want to make them worry! Take care Ken, and remember that if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me, okay?"

"For sure, Mrs. Takashi. See you later!"

Ken rushed out the door, and didn't stop his mad power-walking until he was safely inside his bedroom, locked away from the horrors of that particular encounter.

"Did you have a good visit, Ken?" Wormmon asked.

"Uh… yeah, it was fine-ish." Ken responded evasively.

"What happened?" Wormmon posed enquiringly.

"Nothing, not much. I just won't be able to look at fruit the same way ever again."

"Why's that?"

Ken told him all about it, not leaving out one single hairy detail, and in the end, all Wormmon could say was, "Oh dear. It must suck to be you."

* * *

Haha, too good. Reviews are appreciated. Thanks!!


	6. A Disaster of Sorts

Here you have it. It's longer than I thought it'd be... which makes me happy. And yes, I did use the dwarf-thing from the **Digi-Challenge Forum**, if anyone noticed the connection. It was just to good to pass up XD

Disclaimer on profile.

* * *

They were running out of places to meet.

Ken's house was out of the question, as TK and Kari still refused to have anything to do with that apartment, and Ken couldn't bear to come within a 100-foot range of TK's house without feeling like he had committed some sort of sin, and needed to be doused in holy water.

That left Kari's residence.

Ken was fearful of this particular location for various reasons, such as:

1. Food poisoning—who knew what ingredients Kari's mother _actually_ used when baking?

2. Encountering her insane older brother, and thereby getting distracted by the poof he called "hair"… Ken was almost positive a large settlement of dwarfs resided in there somewhere…

3. Receiving another lecture not unlike the one he heard from TK's mother—the most terrifying experience of his life, to be sure.

All in all, meeting at Kari's house didn't seem like the best option, but it was the only one they had.

They planned it very carefully, so that their rendezvous could happen without the presence of any family members Kari possessed would be in the vicinity. It took some time, and a lot of convincing on Kari's part to get her parents to go out somewhere far away, but in the end, they were sitting comfortably in the living room, ready to begin their next experiment.

"So, today," Ken explained, "we are going to determine how well you guys know each other. This is mostly to establish how well your communication skills have been in the past, and it'll help me decide where we'll go from here."

"You know this is a stupid idea, right, Ken?" TK asked. "We've known each other for _years_, and it's likely that we'll ace this thing no problem."

"We'll see," was all Ken would say on the subject.

He had an inkling that TK's statement might have been true once, but people change over the years, including their habits, likes/dislikes, and all-around personality. Ken had a feeling that this would bring his subjects a much-needed revelation that no, they didn't know each other as well as they thought… but that was just a guess. For all he knew, TK could actually know what kind of underwear Kari wore, but chances of that were rather slim.

"Now," Ken said, passing both TK and Kari a sheet of paper and a pen, "on these papers, there are ten questions that each of you must answer honestly. And by honestly, I mean no holding back here, people—we want ALL the dirty details. Once you've done that, give them back to me, and we'll begin, okay?"

TK nodded, and bent over his sheet, shielding it from Kari, as she did the same. Ken watched in glee as their faces grew mystified, outraged, embarrassed, and uncomfortable as they read through the questionnaire. They made it through the sheet unscathed and handed it back, still slightly mystified, but glad that that part was done and over with. Ken then checked over the papers quickly, making sure no one had skipped a question.

Satisfied that TK and Kari had done as he asked, he smiled up at them, and said, "Let's begin." Turning to Kari, he instigated the experiment with her. "The first question on TK's page was: _What is Kari's favourite colour?_ We will now compare your answer to his, and see whether or not it's right."

Kari didn't have to think long in order to come up with an answer to _this_ question. "That's easy—my favourite colour is blue."

TK grinned at his first victory, to the amusement of Ken. If TK sincerely thought it was going to be this easy, he had another thing coming.

"Alright, TK. The first question on Kari's page was: _What is TK's favourite kind of pizza?_"

TK nearly scoffed at how simple the question was, but instead of voicing his disbelief, he merely said, "Pepperoni and olives, with extra cheese, and a side of ranch dressing to dip it in."

"Very well done, you two. You both got the first one right… but now we move onto the second one. Kari, the second question on TK's paper is: _Does Kari ever actually listen to a word Yolei says when she's ranting?_"

"Of course I do! I wouldn't ignore my friend like that!" Kari replied heatedly, irritated that a question like that would even be on the sheet of paper.

"Oh dear…" Ken said, shaking his head. "It seems as though TK wrote a different answer."

"_What did you write, TK?"_ Kari lashed out.

"Uh, I just said that _no one_ really listens to her, so I figured you didn't either…"

Kari's glare made TK want to bolt for the door, but Ken wasn't having any of that. "Now, now… let's not allow our tempers to get the best of us, Kari. There's still several more question to go before we're done with this. We wouldn't want you walking out on us a fifth of the way through, now would we? That wouldn't accomplish much…"

Kari was still cross with her boyfriend, but she nodded stiffly, seeing the wisdom in Ken's words.

"Now, TK, Kari's second question was: _If TK could own any kind of pet, what would it be?_"

TK responded, "A dog."

Kari smiled for getting the question right, and they continued with the testing until it was down to the last question. TK had only gotten three right so far, while Kari had done minutely better, getting four correct out of the nine. Ken was beginning to think this therapy thing was pointless—they were almost beyond help. He wasn't even a trained professional, for crying out loud! Frankly, he wasn't quite sure how they could expect him to help solve their problems, and keep up with his homework (not to mention his girlfriend). Ken hoped they understood he was charging quite a hefty fee for all of this madness.

"Are you ready for the last question, Kari? Here it is: _What does Kari want to do for a living when she grows up?_"

"I… I kind of want to be a teacher or something like that."

TK groaned for getting another one wrong, and he collapsed into the couch, sullen.

"What did TK write?"

"He wrote that you didn't know what you wanted to be." Ken supplied handily. Kari closed her eyes, tired of being proven, time and time again, that her boyfriend didn't know her very well at all.

"TK, final question: _Why does TK play basketball?_"

"Because I _like_ it, and it keeps me active." came the muffled reply.

Kari sighed through her nose, exasperated by this whole thing. Ken put a big 'X' beside Kari's answer, as it was clearly erroneous, and he glanced up at his guinea pigs.

Seeing their disappointed faces, he said encouragingly, "Cheer up now, people. We're going to work through this and make it all better. Now that I've diagnosed a problem, we can work to solve it. So, really, there's no need to get cross at each other, or to pout and whine, because soon the both of you will be as happy as bees once again, and all this will be behind you… right?"

TK and Kari disregarded Ken's little speech as TK gathered his stuff and headed out the door without saying goodbye to either of them. Kari stood silently and brought Ken his shoes.

"I think you should go now." She told him quietly, not looking him in the eye.

Ken merely took his shoes from her, grabbed his notes and papers, and left the Kamiya residence, wondering how _he_ could possibly make this all better.

* * *

Oh dear...

Haha, reviews are appreciated. Thanks!!


	7. Brownie Batter Fiasco

Not much Ken in this chapter... but I like this chapter. Quite a bit, actually.

Disclaimer on profile.

* * *

"Optimism is key." Ken ranted to his empty room. "If only they'd see it _my_ way for once. We're never going to get anywhere if all they do is whine and pout after _every single_ experiment." he sighed, exasperated, and concluded, "I'm going to have to bring in the big guns…"

Wormmon entered the genius's lair at that point, bringing with him the remains of Ken's supper, of which he had not finished eating due to intense amounts of stress placed upon his fragile shoulders from this whole situation with TK and Kari.

Ken nearly scoffed at the sight of the well-prepared food. He didn't have time to eat—he had a relationship to fix. He needed a miracle, not the lukewarm remnants of a delicious meal his mother had cooked. As he glared at Wormmon, who was trying to spoon-feed him the meal, Ken suddenly came up with a brilliant plan that he _knew_ would solve _everything_.

* * *

Pushing Kari and TK through the recreational building, Ken smiled happily as they passed by the swimming pool and the tennis courts, all the way to a small classroom at the back of the edifice. There, people--namely couples--were gathering for some kind of event, and Ken seemed intent on getting Kari and TK in there.

"Here we are, guys." he announced, giving them a supportive shove into the room.

"Where exactly is _here_, Ken?" TK asked sceptically, raising a suspicious eyebrow.

"You'll see… now, there are a few rules for this experiment. Number one: If anything goes badly, and someone gets set on fire accidentally, it is not my fault and you cannot blame me. Number two: If this goes wonderfully, I get all credit, and you will not oppose to any other experiments I may come up with in the future. And, number three: Don't forget your aprons."

Ken threw two bright pink aprons at Kari and TK before sidling off.

Kari peeked around, trying to figure out why on earth Ken had brought them here, when TK tapped her shoulder and stared pointedly at the blackboard that clearly read: _Cooking for Couples_.

Kari paled as she glanced down at the aprons, which had a more significant meaning now. TK took one of the aprons, and unfolded it, revealing the writing inside that said in sparkly letters, 'TEAM AWESOME.'

Kari gagged and TK chuckled, saying, "I bet Wormmon was the one who came up with that slogan." His girlfriend nodded sagely and TK sighed, shrugging. "We'd better put these on—it looks like the class is about to start."

The two digidestined found a nice niche in the back of the class, where they were relatively hidden from everyone else. There, they aided each other in tying the loose strings up of their neon-pink aprons of joy. As soon as that was done, a bubbly, enthusiastic young woman bounded to the front of the room, evidently taking on the role of the teacher in this setting.

"Okay, folks. Today is going to be a _special_ day because today is Couples' Cooking Day!! Yay!!"

A few of the more enthusiastic students cheered half-heartedly, but that did not faze her.

"Alright, now, I hope all of you know at least the basics of cooking, because we are on a _tight schedule_ and we need to _zip_ through this lesson very quickly! So, first, everyone get out their mixing bowls and measuring cups, because today we're going to make _brownies_. Mmm…"

TK and Kari looked at each other helplessly as all the other couples started pulling out the required baking equipment. Neither of them had any reliable cooking and/or baking experience. Kari's mother wasn't exactly a role model for gourmet dishes, and Matt had refused to share his cooking knowledge with TK whatsoever, saying that he could never reveal his secrets to such an amateur.

"I… guess we'd better get started?" TK offered questioningly.

"I suppose." Kari mumbled, peeking through the cupboards and drawers to find what she needed. TK stood behind her, peering over her shoulder, not sure what to do.

Kari suggested to the lost boy, "Uh, why don't you start measuring out the ingredients?" TK obliged instinctively, doing whatever he could to please her. "You know, you don't always have to do everything I say…"

TK frowned, confused. "I thought girls liked it when boys do whatever they tell them to."

"I'm not most girls, TK." Kari reminded him, giggling. She bumped him playfully with her hip, and he smiled, stealing the mixing bowl from her hands. "If that's the case then, I get to stir, and _you_ get to measure stuff."

Kari laughed and told him, grinning, "That's okay… that just means that I can justifiably blame you for screwing up the recipe."

TK frowned once more, and reverted back to their former positions. Kari laughed once more at his comical actions, and they continued to follow the instructions for the recipe.

Not much later, they were ready to insert their creation into the oven—dubbed the 'Oven of Love' by their instructor, of course—and although it didn't look as refined as any of the other brownie batter mixes made by the other couples in the room, TK and Kari were very proud of their concoction, and no matter how badly it turned out, they were going to cherish it. _Cherish_ it, not eat it obviously, because they weren't exactly sure if it was entirely edible. Food poisoning didn't appear out of nowhere—they were smart enough to know_ that_.

The vivacious instructor paid them a visit just as TK surfaced from the wafting hot waves emanating from the open oven door. He slammed said door shut and aimed a boyish smile at the lady who was checking up on their progress.

"How's everything going here, you two?" TK and Kari mumbled some vague answers in hopes of placating her enough to get her to leave before she discovered the cooking disabilities both of them possessed. "Oh, aren't the two of you _adorable_!" She squealed happily, and Kari took a tiny step back in alarm. TK put his hand on her wrist in comfort, and her lips quirked up at the corners. The lady turned to the elderly couple working beside them for reassurance of her observation and then she turned back to them, saying, "You know, I just get _so_ excited whenever I see a young couple in my class. Cooking is one of the most valuable skills couples need—otherwise how are they going to eat?" She giggled at her own joke, and the frightened children nodded along, not wanting to anger the psychotic lady. "I mean, if a couple can't even _cook_, how are they supposed to work together when it comes to anything else? They'd just be destined to fall apart!"

She walked off, laughing, but Kari and TK weren't smiling or nodding this time. Kari's mouth was set in an angry line, and TK cracked his knuckles threateningly. Immediately, they set to making sure the brownies weren't burning, because, dammit, they were going to make the best brownies _ever_. And they'd show that over-zealous, pompous teacher that they could work together, and that cooking didn't matter one bit.

By the end of the hour, their creation was sitting on the counter, cooling off a bit, and TK and Kari were stared at it proudly with their chests puffed out and smiles plastered to their faces in self-admiration. Together, they each grabbed a fork and scooped out a chunk of the brownie invention, shovelling it into their mouths proudly.

TK was the first to spit it out. Kari was a bit more determined to enjoy the foul-tasting mixture, but she soon followed his ingenious example.

"We're doomed." Kari said gloomily.

TK chuckled, "Well, at least we know one thing will never change." Kari bumped him once again, smiling at his dismal logic, and he pulled her into the first hug they had shared in weeks. Things were beginning to look up…

* * *

... or _are_ they??? Muahahaha!!!

Anyways XD reviews are appreciated... thanks!


	8. And Here We Go Again

Okay, I've got a few things to say:

1. If you haven't seen the AMV **SugarSpiral** made me for Christmas, go watch it now. The link is in my profile. It's loosely based off Chapter 4, and it is brilliant. I have a feeling it will provide endless inspiration for this fic.  
2. I've got a poll-thingy going on in my profile as well. My life doesn't hinge on its results, but it's nice to get some feedback.  
3. Merry Christmas to everyone (who celebrates Christmas) and a Happy New Year to everyone as well... hope to see you then!

Disclaimer on profile.

* * *

When Ken heard the good news, he celebrated accordingly with Wormmon, watching feel-good movies until the early morning hours when his eyelids could no longer find the willpower to keep themselves uplifted. He simply couldn't shake the ever-present feeling of euphoria that accompanied his success. _Finally_, he had done something right to get TK and Kari on the road to recovery. All throughout the week, his smile wouldn't fade as he observed his subjects laugh and chat during every spare moment they had. His heart glowed every time they recounted their baking fiasco to anyone who would listen. Eventually, Ken recorded their tale, enabling him to listen to it over and over again before falling into a peaceful slumber.

He wasn't sure where to go from this point—they seemed to be repairing broken bridges without his help, but as it turned out, he was still needed desperately.

Davis came running to him at the end of Friday's school day, his goggles nearly flying off his head in his haste.

"Ken!" he cried out. "Ken, they need your help!"

"What do you mean? And who's _they_?" Ken asked, intrigued as he observed Davis panting inelegantly.

"TK and Kari are having a HUGE fight right now, and Yolei told me to come get you ASAP."

An intense feeling of dread welled up in Ken's instinctive guts as he rushed after Davis to the scene of the crime. They pushed past countless members of the student body, aptly named the _'Oh-My-God-Squad'_, who were observing the growing argument between Kari and TK on the sidelines.

"Yeah?" TK yelled at Kari. "Is that so? Well, your hair looks funny with that barrette in it!"

The insults were flying back and forth between the two furiously, like lions clashing over a kill. Kari may have been the sweetest piece of pie in the bakery, but she had a mean side, and she certainly wasn't going to lie down like a good girl and let TK get away with making fun of her hair.

"YOUR HAT IS OLD AND SHITTY, TK!!"

The collective group gasped appreciatively, and Ken scowled. This wasn't part of his plan.

TK looked hurt, but he did not let that affect his goal. His hand fisted and he yelled, "You're needy, and you whine all the time! You get mad at me for no reason, and then you pretend like nothing happened! You're a HORRIBLE girlfriend!"

Kari's eyes flared up, feeling wounded by his cutting remarks and she whispered menacingly, "At least I don't push away everyone I love."

TK blanched chillingly and Kari stomped off, Yolei trailing along behind her, alarmed. Ken wasn't sure what the last comment had meant, but obviously TK had gotten the message, because he was now a frightening shade of pale white. Ken and Davis steered him into the boys' washroom for a chat.

"What the hell was _that_ all about?" Ken demanded angrily. "Things were going _so well_! I turn around for five seconds, and the two of you are bickering and arguing like little children!"

Davis slipped out of the room silently to do crowd control, leaving an enraged Ken with a shell-shocked TK.

"I'm not really sure what happened, Ken." TK admitted morosely. "We were getting along fine, and then she disagreed with something I said and then I countered back, and before I knew it she was telling me that she hated the way I always put my arm around her, and that my hat is _shitty_…" TK lifted his head, his eyes swimming with unshed tears. "And then she goes and throws _that_ back in my face."

Ken, still curious, asked gently what _that_ was.

"I've just… I haven't been getting along with my mother lately, particularly ever since that Talk, and now that Matt's been away on tour I haven't seen him in a while, and whenever I _do_ talk to him I always end up making things awkward or he ends up being mad at me… it's been hard lately, and I just can't believe that Kari would say that to me! There is NO WAY I'm talking to her until she apologizes for this."

Ken nodded wisely, but refrained from saying anything further. It _was_ rather bitchy of Kari to slap that in TK's face but on the other hand, he_ had _called her a horrible girlfriend. This dilemma was sure to take some time to sort out, and Ken hoped Yolei was making some headway with Kari.

* * *

"What happened, Kari?" Yolei asked soothingly, rubbing the upset girl's back in circles. Kari wailed miserably and Yolei made some more shushing noises in hopes to calm her friend.

"He said… h-he said… He said I'm _needy_!!" Kari cried, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her sweater.

"I know, sweetie, I know. Maybe you should go talk to him. I'm sure it'll make you feel better."

The offer did nothing to sway Kari.

"Are you _crazy_? There is NO WAY I'm talking to that jerk until he apologizes! And even then I might not forgive him! He called me _whiny_, Yolei, whiny! I am not whiny!"

"But still…"

"No buts, Yolei." Kari said, exasperated, "He brought this on himself. He can deal with the consequences."

The girl's puffy eyes and red nose made her look incredibly vulnerable. Yolei pulled her best friend into a fierce hug and promised sincerely that they would do whatever it took to fix this.

And Kari trusted her.

* * *

"Ken, sweetie, if you don't shut up about TK and Kari for five seconds, I'm going to shove a bag of frozen peas down your pants… with a jackhammer."

Ken froze instinctively and reverted back into 'Good Boyfriend Mode' so as to not displease his temperamental girlfriend. "Sorry, Yolei, I just don't know what to do anymore. They started to reconnect, but then _that_ happened, and all my extravagant plans got foiled. I'm miserable." Ken stated, pouting.

Yolei, despite wanting to help, couldn't stand another minute of her boyfriend endlessly discussing how they were going to clean up the mess their friends had created. It was time to settle this once and for all. Ken's attention span should be used on _her _right now, not solving their friends' love lives.

"Buff up, Ken. You can still fix this. I have faith in you, and so do TK and Kari. They came to _you_, asking for help, and now you have an obligation to fulfill that promise. They don't know what to do either—but maybe if we show them how to interact like a happy couple, then maybe they'll learn something, and they'll be able to begin solving this by themselves again."

"… Are you suggesting a double date?" Ken asked, eyes narrowed.

"If the shoe fits…" Yolei hinted.

"I can't do that!" Ken protested. "These are my clients, Yolei. I can't be seen _socializing_ with them in public!"

"Stop your whining, Ken Ichijoji. It's a brilliant plan. They'll see _us_, a perfect, happy couple, which will then prompt them to follow our great example."

"But, Yolei, we're not a perfect couple. Half the time, I don't have any idea what you're talking about."

"Yes, but you pretend to listen, which is the important part."

Yolei seemed to think that concluded the conversation, leaving Ken in a position he did not particularly want to be in. Knowing Yolei's stubbornness, he would undoubtedly end up going on this double date with TK and Kari. He just didn't, and didn't _want_ to know how the night would end.

When he broached the delicate subject tentatively with TK and Kari, who still weren't speaking to each other, they adamantly refused to do anything together until the other apologized. Ken pleaded and begged them to just go along with it. Eventually, they submitted to his will grudgingly.

Ken could merely wish optimistically that this venture wouldn't make things markedly worse than they already were.

* * *

I bet you can guess what the next chapter will be about. XD

Reviews are appreciated. Thanks!


	9. Ice Skating Mayhem

Late update, I know... and most of you might hate me after this chapter... but I'm HOPING to have another update by the end of the week, so yay! I _think_ this story is almost at a close - I haven't quite decided yet, but I have another poll-thingy in my profile that might determine how it all ends... *hints for you to go check it out NOW*

Disclaimer on profile.

* * *

"Ice skating?" Kari asked incredulously. A disturbing smile planted itself on Ken's face as he nodded, elegantly sweeping past her to fetch his own pair of skates. "But…" Kari protested, "I haven't been skating in _years_! I'll be absolutely horrible at it!"

Yolei giggled at Kari's ridiculous remark and replied, "You'll do fine, Kari. Besides, you'll have TK there to help you out, right?"

Kari scoffed angrily, still having not forgiven the young man for his rudeness and uncalled-for statements. "If _he's_ going to be there, then forget it. I'm not coming."

"But you _have_ to!" Yolei whined. "It's not a double date unless there are four people, you know. I can't believe you haven't forgiven him yet. He feels terrible about what he said and you feel guilty about what you said too, so I don't see what's holding you back from apologising."

"Pride. Anger. Hormones." Ken offered graciously, tying up his laces.

Before Kari could strangle Ken for his unneeded observations, TK walked in—skates already on—trying to balance himself on the edge of the blades. Kari scoffed at his pathetic attempts and he glared at her menacingly, as if daring her to say something about it. She brushed past him, onto the ice and he huffed, irritated by his girlfriend's childish behaviour.

"She'll get over it eventually," Yolei assured him, following her best friend onto the ice rink.

Ken clapped him on the back and they made their way out as well. The rink was nearly full with laughing children and parents skating around joyfully. A group of beginners were holding on to the edge of the boards for dear life, fear covering their faces. TK noted sourly that that would probably be him in about five minutes' time.

Kari and Yolei were already making their way across the iced floor, chatting and giggling contentedly while Ken waited for TK to approach their destination. The ice shone under the florescent lighting and TK gulped nervously. He hadn't ever skated in his _life_. This was a totally new experience, and it was rather frightening. The way the skates kept wobbling - no matter how hard he tried to keep them straight and the way his ankles were locked in there firmly. Not to mention how he had barely any circulation in his feet now that the laces were wrenched tight. All in all, if he had a choice after this, skating would not be one of his top things to do for fun.

Stepping out for the first time onto the rink, TK clung helplessly to the sides, Ken chuckling beside him and doing figure eights while gliding along with ease.

"I'm pathetic," TK mumbled miserably. "I should just go home now and be a loser for the rest of my life."

Ken chortled and shook his head. "If that's what you want, then by all means, be a loser for the rest of your life… but if you want to join the big kids, then suck it up and let's go catch up with our ladies."

TK's hand was snatched abruptly by Ken's as he dragged his resisting friend over to where Kari and Yolei were skating. The inexperienced boy trembled even more as they came near—there was nothing to hold on to in the middle of the rink, and Ken was going too fast for TK to keep up. He tipped over backwards, but leaned forward quickly to counteract the movement, only to fall flat on his face the second he did. Kari snorted with laughter while Yolei and Ken lifted him back up, asking if he was alright.

"Yeah, I'm fine." TK muttered, brushing himself off. He refused to look at Kari, who was still sniggering with a hand covering her mouth in a vague attempt to be discreet.

"Does anyone want something to eat?" Yolei asked hesitantly. "I can go get some nachos or whatever."

Ken smiled at her and told her to go on ahead—they'd catch up in a minute.

He sighed, turning to his patients, "I know you guys are arguing and that neither of you will apologise until the other has, but this _has got to stop_. We're here to have fun, not to snipe at each other and laugh at each other… if you can't be civil, then we'll leave." He felt like a mother, scolding her children when they misbehaved.

Kari looked away innocently, as if none of this was her fault, while TK huffed irately to show his disapproval for their entire excursion. The two of them could not seem to get along, but Ken was almost done caring about that. They weren't willing to even try to co-operate and he felt like he was talking to a wall. They didn't listen to what he said and they were so obtuse, it was _ridiculous_.

A young kid skated by them, waving his arms about wildly to try and not fall down. One of his flailing limbs came and smacked TK in the face, adding to his deflated ego and injured visage.

"Ow!" he exclaimed fiercely. The kid yelled out an apology while still trying in vain to remain upright.

Kari snickered maliciously and TK turned on her, annoyed by her unrelenting teasing.

"What is so _funny_?" he demanded crossly.

"Nothing…" she replied vaguely.

TK scowled and took a step forward, intending on getting the truth out of his girlfriend. Unfortunately, he still was not accustomed to the feel of the ice, and tripped over his own feet, taking Kari down with him. She let out a cry of shock and pushed him off of her body, asking what the hell that was all about.

"I'm sorry, okay? It was an accident!"

No one had gotten hurt, thankfully, but they continued to bicker with each other endlessly. Kari gave TK a small shove, which he returned, yelling at her for doing it to him. She grew furious and advanced towards him, but he was all set for her. His fist bunched up at his side and his face turned near-murderous. Ken decided it was time to intervene just as Kari shouted at her boyfriend, and TK lunged forward.

Later on, no one could quite decide on how it happened exactly, but hours after the incident, there was still blood spattered across the icy rink.

* * *

*hides somewhere far away*

_... don't hurt me..._


	10. Hospital Waiting Room

A shorter chapter, to be accurate, but I promised a quick update, so here it is! This is mainly just a filler chapter anyways, but I like it XD

Disclaimer on profile.

* * *

The hospital machine beeped frequently, but steadily, signifying the pulse rate of the unconscious patient. The sanitized room bore no visitors—they had left hours ago, promising to return the next morning. Small breaths disturbed the silence as the patient, whose entire head was wrapped firmly in bandages, slept on. Outside the door nurses and doctors bustled around without pause—they were not paid to take elongated breaks. Murmured conversations occurred behind locked doors, but did little to disrupt the overall quiet peace of the facility. Cars and buses and trucks rumbled by the building noisily while simultaneously polluting the night-time air. They drove past cinemas and malls, houses and apartment buildings, forests and lakes, occasionally stopping for a red light or stop sign. Critters of all sorts roamed in the dark, hiding from predators or searching for prey. The rooted trees stretched and reached high into the sky, twisting, winding and bending as they grew. The tiny stars twinkled above them where the vast galaxy extended for light-years; never ceasing to exist.

And still the patient slept on.

* * *

Yolei rubbed her tired eyes and yawned, heading over to the coffee machine in the hospital waiting room. It was a weak and disgusting beverage, but much more enjoyable than falling asleep in those uncomfortable, stiff chairs. Other patients and citizens were scattered in the dreaded place of wait with Yolei, but none were who she so desperately wanted to see.

The young girl scowled abruptly. Her hand clenched tightly around the Styrofoam cup in anger. The awful feeling of uselessness overwhelmed her, just as it had the other day when _the incident_ had transpired. Thus far, she had been unable to help anyone, unable to do anything but sit and wait impatiently for a sign that everything would be okay. The clenching sensation in her chest brought a few tears to her eyes—in frustration and sadness—but she was relatively used to it by now. A half-empty box of Kleenex rested beside her chair and she reached for it instinctively.

The _other two_ were supposed to show up soon, she remarked, glancing at the clock. They promised to wait with her for as long as it took, but she knew they were stalling. It _was_ their fault, after all. Their fault she was stuck here, looking up hopefully every time a doctor passed by, and it was their fault she had nothing to eat and drink except crappy coffee and stale vending machine food.

Yolei gulped down the rest of the flavourless drink, recalling exactly why she was putting up with all of this.

**Flashback**

_Yolei waited in line for the snacks she was getting. The people in front of her were taking an exceptionally long time, and they couldn't seem to make up their minds on whether they wanted extra cheese or extra salsa with their nachos. Yolei scoffed and tapped her foot impatiently. This was getting ridiculous. Extra salsa was obviously the way to go._

_Loud, angry voices caught her attention suddenly, and she turned to the rink to see what was going on. She rolled her eyes when she saw Kari and TK sniping at each other once again, Ken trying to pacify the situation, like he always did. Kari appeared to be on the verge of tears and TK looked ready to strike her down. Yolei frowned as the argument got more and more heated—surely they should have calmed down a bit by now?_

_Without warning, TK lunged forward, fist flying out from his side as he directed his aim at Kari. Yolei saw her friend's face grow shocked in disbelief as she tried to move out of the way to dodge the attack._

_Yolei then screamed shrilly, "NO!!" as Ken moved swiftly in front of Kari, taking the hit full-on. TK's punch knocked him onto the ground and ice. Yolei watched as her stupid, stupid boyfriend fell, fell, all the way to the floor, hitting his head with a **CRACK!** He lay still for a moment before Yolei forgot all about the indecisive people lined up in front of her and what kind of snacks she was supposed to be getting. As the blood started to seep onto the ice, staining it red, the tears began falling from her dazed eyes. Her sluggish body moved its way over to Ken's unmoving corpse, and her salty tears mingled with his blood._

_She stayed by his side, not noticing the frantic phone call for an ambulance, or the stricken faces of Kari and TK. She could barely recall anything besides Ken's pale, cold face, remnants of an unhappy frown lingering there. Yolei was the one to ride in the ambulance with him—holding his hand the whole way there—and she was the first one in to see him after his condition was finally stabilized._

_The doctors said everything was going to be fine—he would make it with no major problems or damage—but Yolei wouldn't forget. She doubted she'd ever be able to forget that horrid day when Ken was almost taken, ripped away from her like that. The image still haunted her, which caused a severe lack of sleep (hence the copious amounts of caffeine) but she couldn't bring herself to care._

_Not until she could hold him in her arms again._

_Not until everything was okay._

**End Flashback**

Sighing, Yolei scanned the area for signs of TK and Kari. Their intense guilt was making them late once more, and she huffed heatedly. If they weren't going to show up when they said they were going to, then what was the point in even coming? She could handle things by herself here—they could go wallow in their self-pity all by themselves for all she cared.

They were certainly going to have to do more than just apologise in order for her to forgive them. As far as Yolei was concerned, they didn't deserve to even be _near_ Ken after this latest ordeal. All they'd accomplished so far was stressing him out and hurting him; after all he'd done for them. They asked for his help—he lent them a hand—and _this_ was how they repaid his endless kindness.

By putting him in a hospital bed, hooked up to beeping machines and wrapped in gauze.

Some friends they were.

Yolei's vision blurred yet again as tiredness plagued her senses. She yawned widely and struggled to fight it off as much as she could. Ken was counting on her, one way or another, and she wasn't going to let a silly little thing like _sleep_ disrupt her goal of staying awake and alert for when he regained consciousness.

Stretching out and grabbing a magazine from her purse, Yolei equipped herself for the long wait ahead.

* * *

Reviews are appreciated! Thanks!


	11. Superglue

The next chapter, as promised... hope you like it!!

Disclaimer on profile.

* * *

Kari purposely forgot to set her alarm for the next morning, opting instead to sleep in as much as she could and stall her impending visit to the hospital. The covers were strewn across her bed thanks to a rather restless and uncomfortable sleep. The guilt had torn through her--more forceful than a wild hurricane and faster than a furious, rushing river. TK may have been the one to physically injure Ken, but in reality she was the one who had initiated it. With her taunts and snickering, it was a wonder TK hadn't dumped her ass on the curb already.

She sighed and eventually dragged herself out of bed. Her daily morning routines became drawn out and slow as Kari started to dread the upcoming meeting with Yolei, Ken and TK even more. Now that Yolei knew Ken was going to be alright, she was bound to be livid at the both of them for weeks to come.

Disappointed, is what Ken would be. She could picture it now: he'd forgive them immediately, of course, as was his nature, but Kari knew he'd have that look in his eyes that clearly stated his utter dissatisfaction with their actions.

As for TK… well, she just didn't really want to deal with TK at the moment. She felt bad enough for provoking him, and meeting up with him would surely, somehow, invoke another reaction.

Kari could hear Tai rummaging about in the kitchen—no doubt shoving his face with leftover pizza despite the fact that it was barely ten in the morning and she entered the kitchen, catching Tai with pepperoni and cheese dangling out of his mouth. Kari grabbed a random box of cereal to fill the aching hunger in her stomach and sat down at the table.

Tai finished off his last bite as he said to her, "Shouldn't you be at the hospital right about now? I though Boy Wonder was all bandaged up thanks to you and your boyfriend."

Kari's guilt intensified and she ducked her head in response. Suddenly losing her appetite, the distressed girl pushed the cereal away and sighed.

"Look," Tai commanded, "it's really not that bad. I was joking, alright? I'm sure Ken is doing just fine, and I'm positive Yolei won't maim you too badly. You need to relax, Kari."

"Relax?" Kari cried out incredulously. "_Relax?_ I can't relax! Thanks to my bitchiness, TK got so mad that he tried to attack me, and then Ken just _had to_ intervene and get knocked out! Don't tell me to calm down, Tai! I deserve every bit of the guilt trip that I'm getting. And if Yolei decides to chop my head off, then so be it. I deserve that too."

"Cut the crap out, Kari, and quit whining. It was an accident and it's all done and over with now, okay? I understand that you feel somewhat responsible and all that, but I really don't think you need to get this worked up. I mean… just let it go, right?" Kari gave him a disbelieving look as a response to his inane question. "Okay, how about this: do you remember the time when I unintentionally broke all of Mom's vases?"

"Unintentionally? Tai, you took them and blew them all up for you science fair project."

"Unintentionally or not, that's not what I'm trying to get across here. Do you remember what happened after that?"

"Yeah," Kari scoffed, "Mom made you buy new ones for her."

"Wrong." Tai corrected. "Before I bought her new ones, I tried gluing the old ones back together. With Superglue."

"Oh, right... that was when you glued your hand to your forehead and we had to go to the doctor's to get it removed."

Tai frowned, but nodded. "Do you get it though, Kari? It may not have worked out like I planned, but at least I tried. So far, that's more than I can say for you. What have you done to fix your problem? Nothing. Nothing _at all_. You've slept in, moped around for a bit, and listened to your older brother rant about meaningless things like vases and Superglue. You need to get out there, fix things with TK, beg forgiveness from both Ken and Yolei, and then get your life back in order. Because, girl, it's a mess and if you don't do something about it, then you're screwed. You'll be stuck in this wheel of self-hatred and regret for a very long time, and I really don't want to have to listen to you moaning about it."

He gave her a very serious look and then stared pointedly at the door. Kari got the message, loud and clear. She had her coat and shoes on before she knew it, and the door was clicking shut behind her as she heeded her wise older brother's words and ventured out to fix her life.

Tai shook his head sadly and muttered, "Women these days…"

* * *

Kari wasted no time. She had a feeling TK would be feeling just as wretched as she was, so she ran as fast as her aching legs would take her, all the way to his apartment building and inside.

The elevator was taking too long, she decided after a few seconds of waiting. Quickly, Kari raced up the stairs to TK's floor. The numbers blurred by her as she searched for his—the one that would lead her to him.

She wasn't sure why she hadn't gone to the hospital instead to wait for him there… it was a sort of magnetic feeling, being drawn to this spot, for this exact purpose. TK was a horrible boyfriend at times, that much Kari knew, but at least he _tried_. All she'd ever done was sit around and wait for some kind of miracle to show her the way. Well, she figured this was as good of a time as any. She needed to start taking responsibility for her actions. She needed to get her life sorted, and she needed to do it quick.

She needed TK.

Without knocking or pausing, Kari opened the door, thankful that it was already unlocked. Listening, she heard faint sounds coming from TK's room; she headed in that direction, a fierce glint in her gaze.

"TK?" she called out, slowing down and abruptly fearful of what was going to happen. She didn't know what to do—how to fix this whole mess—but she was obligated to do _something_.

TK's head poked around the doorframe, face creased in confusion.

"What are you doing here, Kari? I thought we were supposed to meet at the hospital."

He winced a bit at the prospect of reuniting with Yolei and Kari smiled a smidge.

"I need you." she declared openly.

"Umm… what?" TK asked, baffled further, scratching his head.

She repeated, "I need you." and moved forward into his room. She stood there, desperation written on her face, and he stood there, clad only in his flower-print boxers.

Without further invitation, Kari stepped closer, wrapping her arms around his bare torso, repeating over and over again, "I need you."

TK hugged her back, not sure what was going on, but conscious of her vulnerability. He wasn't sure where this was taking them or where it left their relationship, but he knew that the girl in his arms was slowly breaking. She was breaking apart, bit by bit, and he was here to witness it in action. He was certain that she would mend though, and when she did, she'd be stronger than before.

He hoped he'd be there to see it.

* * *

Next chapter there'll be some Ken-action...

Reviews are appreciated. Thanks!


	12. Peanut Butter Excursions

This chapter is a bit late, and I apologise. It's more of a filler chapter... the next one will probably be the last, and it's going to take some time because I still have no idea how I'm going to end this XD I hope you can wait a while though - I promise to try and make it EPIC.

Disclaimer on profile.

* * *

It was a while longer before the doctors came to tell her that Ken was awake and able to see visitors, and it was such a relief that Yolei hugged the poor nurse tight enough to choke her. She bounded into Ken's room, smiling brightly and ready to greet her hospitalized boyfriend.

The smile ran away from her face as she looked into an empty room. Yolei peered back out into the hallway, checking to make sure she'd gotten the room number right.

She had.

"Ken?" Yolei's voice echoed in the blindingly white room, lit up by the morning rays of the rising sun. A splotch of _something_ clung to the walls, dripping off in great plops. Yolei stepped closer to see exactly what it was, but didn't get very far.

A pale hand reached out from her left, and snatched her into the room unexpectedly, shutting the door in the process. The same hand clapped itself to her mouth, muffling her cry of shock.

"Shh!" the voice whispered. "They can't know we're here!"

Recognising Ken's distinct voice, Yolei frowned and removed his hand from her mouth.

"What do you mean, Ken? Who can't know we're here? And what the hell is that plastered on the wall?"

Ken stared at her, surprised, and responded, "That? That's pudding. It was disgusting, so I threw it against the wall." He shuddered, and continued. "As for _them_, they're the people out to get me. They're the ones who gave me the damn inedible pudding in the first place." His eyebrows slanted as he frowned in irritation.

"You mean the nurses?" Yolei asked incredulously. "Isn't that their _job_?"

"This is no time for questions," Ken stated, "we have to get going, otherwise they'll begin to suspect something's wrong."

Yolei had no time to ask her boyfriend what on earth he was talking about before she was yanked once again, this time into the near-deserted hallway. Ken gazed around, looking for signs of hospital personnel. There was no one. He held Yolei's hand tightly and set off towards the direction he'd seen _them_ coming from. He tiptoed alongside the wall, trying to stay as invisible as possible and glared back at Yolei who was obviously not making an effort to be discreet about their whereabouts. If there was one thing he did not love about his girlfriend, it was her lack of co-ordination and slightly heavy feet that made an insufferable thumping noise wherever she went.

At least he knew he'd never lose her.

* * *

Yolei was growing tired of her boyfriend's childish antics. TK and Kari were supposed to be arriving at the hospital any moment now, and Ken was leading her on some wild goose chase that would most definitely end with them getting caught by some strict nurse.

She sighed as Ken sniffed the air delicately, noticeably made some sort of decision, and made a left turn. She was dragged along as he started sidling along the wall faster and faster, hopefully nearing their unknown destination. Ken giggled gleefully and pushed open a door obviously intended for staff only. He disappeared beyond the doorframe, Yolei following behind nervously. Her heart pounded—she was fearful of getting caught—and the bright light reflecting off the white walls was beginning to give her a headache.

She stepped into the room, peering around for Ken. Immediately, she recognised the room as a kitchen. It made sense, of course. The hospital had to have food stocked _somewhere_ for the long-term patients, but she hadn't expected it to be like any other regular kitchen…

Ken was in the midst of raiding the cupboards, looking for something. He cursed under his breath as whatever it was he wanted eluded him. Finally, with a cry of triumph, Ken held high his find—a jar of peanut butter.

Yolei rolled her eyes as Ken dipped his finger in the creamy substance and licked it off, closing his eyes and savouring the flavour. He continued to do so, before demanding that Yolei come and join him. She may have been terrified of the nurses, but Ken was just too tempting; he made everything dangerous seem worthwhile.

She sat on the counter, the both of them reaching in and scooping out vast amounts of peanut butter out of the jar.

"Are you feeling better?" She asked, shovelling her peanut-butter coated finger into her mouth.

Ken shrugged as a response. She nodded.

"How are TK and Kari doing?"

Yolei shrugged in response. He nodded.

They ate on.

* * *

Walking hand in hand, Yolei and Ken made their way back to his hospital room, smiling and giggling. Breaking the rules had always made Yolei feel special for some reason, like it was a particularly enticing secret that only she knew. Ken was simply smirking, having finally got his fill of peanut butter for the time being.

As they rounded the corner, a haughty-looking nurse stood outside Ken's room, glaring at anyone who passed. The couple stopped suddenly, not liking the mad glint in the nurse's eyes as she caught sight of them.

"Run," Ken whispered urgently.

Yolei dropped his hand and turned heel, sprinting away hurriedly from certain doom. Ken was right behind her, panting and almost tripping over his hospital gown. She shrieked as she heard the nurse catching up with them—wasn't Ken supposed to be really fast? What happened to all that soccer training?—and she tried to speed up, but her legs just wouldn't move any faster.

Ken realised that Yolei wouldn't be able to hold out much longer. It was time for drastic action.

He stopped and turned to face the angry nurse. She scowled at him and started ranting about proper etiquette, and not throwing pudding at walls. Ken took it all in stride, looking neither ashamed nor defiant.

The nurse finished, and Ken asked her, "So what? What are you going to do about it? _Ground me?_ You're not my mother, you're certainly not my father, and you don't have the right to punish me."

Without waiting for an answer, Ken stalked past her, snatching Yolei's wrist once again, and headed towards his room. He could only imagine how pissed off the poor nurse was right now, and he chuckled.

He'd always wanted to say that to someone.

* * *

No jokes... I have a friend who said that to a nurse once when she was five.

Reviews are very much appreciated. Thanks XD


	13. The Doctor's Notes

This, folks, is the last chapter. Before I sign off, a few things I need to mention:

1. Once again, a very BIG thank you to all those who have reviewed, alerted, favourited, etc. I appreciate it very much.

2. There will be a bonus chapter for this fic... I have an idea in mind, but it you come up with something, please don't hesitate to mention it. The chapter will be up fairly soon hopefully.

3. I'm not going to make a sequel, no matter how much begging there might be. However, I have come up with a fic idea that is similar-ish that I plan on working on next.

4. If you haven't yet seen the AMV by **SugarSpiral**, go watch it NOW. Without that, this fic would not have been half its magnificence XD

Disclaimer on profile.

* * *

Kari and TK knocked gently at Ken's hospital door room before entering, hand in hand. Their presence went unnoticed by both Ken and Yolei, who were conjoined on the bed silently.

Ken's tongue was slowly licking all the leftover peanut butter off Yolei's digits; being very sensual and causing Yolei's breathing to hitch dramatically. Their gazes were locked, enraptured, neither blinking nor looking away. Yolei was straddling Ken's lap, sprawled there lazily, and Kari felt as though they'd walked into a rather private moment between the other couple.

TK coughed lightly, but to no avail. He cleared his throat a bit louder, successfully distracting Ken and Yolei from their love fest. They automatically turned to glimpse who had interrupted them, identical frowns coating their faces.

Ken opened his mouth to remove Yolei's fingers and ask in annoyance, "What is the meaning of this?"

His demanding tone stiffened Kari's spine and she spluttered as a reply, "Well, I mean… we were just—just stopping in to say hello, and to check on you… and to say that we're sorry for barging in on you and we also wanted to apologise for our behaviour at the—"

"No," Ken interrupted, "be quiet and let me speak, woman." Kari snapped her mouth shut immediately. "Good. Now, what is the meaning of _this_?" He indicated to their conjoined hands.

"… Oh!" Kari exclaimed in understanding. "We made up, actually! I guess we have you to thank for that, Ken." She smiled at him happily before squeezing TK's hand softly. She received a similar gesture in return, which only resulted in a brighter, wider smile.

He stared at them for a moment. And then, suddenly and out of the blue, Ken quite literally slapped his forehead with an open palm, muttering, "You've got to be joking me," under his breath. Yolei petted his hair soothingly. "I mean, all it took was a bump to my head that coincidentally landed me in the _hospital_ to get them to make up… why, oh why?"

Kari and TK stared guiltily at the floor. Their thoughts were virtually on the same wave length. It _was_ their fault that Ken had ended up in the hospital, and that _was_ the official reason why their reconcilement had even occurred. If Ken's accident disappeared from the events of history, TK doubted Kari's hand would be attached snugly to his right now. They'd probably still be fighting and arguing and destroying their fragile relationship even more…

TK didn't like that thought very much.

"Don't be so glum, sweetie." Yolei told Ken soothingly. "They can simply re-enact it for us!"

The offended couple spluttered their ire at her request, and simply refused to do anything of the sort.

"No, no, I wouldn't want them to do _that._" Ken stated. "I mean, if it had been you and I reconciling, then there would probably be lots of smexing involved. Granted, TK and Kari are not us, but there was most likely some form of make-up sex, and I'm not so sure if I want to witness Kari pretending to like getting screwed by TK… and TK pretending to know how to have sex."

Yolei nodded wisely, agreeing with his reasoning. Both Kari and TK had the decency to be mortified by Ken's insinuations. Their faces burned red fiercely, but Ken took no note of that as he continued.

"Either way, I think the best thing for them now is to go over exactly what happened to cause this in the first place, and all the steps we took to work through it. Sound good?" He picked up the newspaper, and began flipping through it. "You may begin."

"Well, I guess it started off with the small things…" Kari instigated. "You know, with the cheerleaders stalking him in the hallways and us both being too busy to get together often."

"And then, it got worse." TK muttered, throwing in his two cents.

"We started fighting occasionally, and spending even less time together. Soon, every moment we had was used to bicker and argue over stupid things like his hat and my cooking skills."

"You almost killed me, Kari." TK pleaded. "I had a _reason_ for being upset."

"It was not that bad! You just can't handle fine cuisine!"

"Back on track, please, ladies." Ken insisted.

Kari huffed and continued, "And then we just fell apart, I guess, and that's when we came to you, Ken."

He nodded and picked up the clipboard resting on the nightstand beside him. Giving it to Yolei, he instructed her to read it aloud.

"_Day One: It is obvious that Kari and TK have many issues that need resolving. This will involve multiple tests and experiments that I will think of later. _Ken, why is there a drawing of a turkey here?"

"Never mind that, my dear."

"_Day Two: One-on-one session with Kari was successful, although their relationship seriously lacks any sort of helpful communication. Kari is under the belief that TK is going to leave her for some other girl. My inner psychologist tells me that TK may be thinking the exact same thing._"

Kari purposely avoided looking at TK.

"_Day Three: As I sit here, watching TK and Kari sweat out in the heat of the sun, I wonder who will be the first one to crack. Neither appear to be on the verge of giving up, which only increases my desire to help them and their insanity. If I was them, I'd have left about five seconds after it began… I can see them shifting around… maybe one of them is about to give up! Ah, yes, TK has proven to be the sane one of the relationship! 'Experiment One' is a success!"_

Ken swore he could hear crickets chirping happily as TK and Kari stared him down with angry eyes.

"You mean to say that the whole reason we sat out there for an entire hour, got sunburned, and tired, and overheated, was to see which one of us would quit first? _And that person ended up being the _sane_ one?!_"

Kari's irked tone merely caused Ken to flip the page of the daily newspaper as Yolei continued.

"_Day Four: One-on-one session with TK. Went over to his place, and nearly died in the unstable elevator. Note to self: use the stairs from now on. Once arrived, the couple seemed to be arguing over the phone, which does nothing to help me in my work. Other note to self: explain to TK why exactly Kari gets so moody once a month… During the session, it was determined that TK is a romantic sap, and needs to get some new lines, although he does seem rather genuine in his feelings. 'Operation: Communication' will be implemented momentarily."_

"What do you mean _'I need new lines'_?" TK asked angrily. "The lines I have work perfectly well, thanks!"

"'_Operation: Communication': I instructed young Takeru to vent his feelings to the plaid couch in his living room. This, I am sure, will help him learn how to compliment Kari's beauty on a more regular basis. This phase of the plan was ended quickly, when TK's mother came through the door and heard her youngest son spewing out fantasies to her plaid couch. The event that followed is classified information, and shall not be spoken of in any way, shape, or form."_

"What happened?" Kari asked curiously as TK blanched. "And what the hell do you mean by _fantasies_?"

Yolei cleared her throat and carried on, "_Day Five: An utter disaster of sorts. We played a simple communication game, to see how well they had been communicating in the past. If I hadn't known any better, I'd have thought they were strangers. After our catastrophic session, I got kicked out, and am at a loss at what to do."_

"And next is… the cooking class, right?" TK asked.

Yolei nodded and read, "_Day Six: I have enrolled TK and Kari in a 'Couples Cooking Class' and I expect marvellous results. While neither of them possesses the culinary skills I do, I anticipate them to be able to work together and create something partially edible…"_

"_Day Seven: I was correct in my assumptions—the baking was a success, and we are on our way to recovery. Unfortunately, this did not last long. They were arguing _again_ within the next few days, and all my work went to ruin. My wonderful, intelligent, and beautiful girlfriend suggested going on a double date with them, and while I am hesitant to explore this option, I see no other way. I can only hope this won't screw everything up."_

"_Day Eight: Ice skating was the chosen activity. We will be meeting up in less than half an hour. When I return, I hope to be able to record some positive results."_

TK and Kari were silent as the grave when Yolei iterated Ken's writings.

"_Day Nine: (in the hospital) My head is pounding, so I will be making this entry short. Kari and TK have proven themselves to be near incompatible. Throughout this analysis, neither has shown the determination or drive that I expected. They appear to be under the assumption that everything will work out, even as they sit around and do nothing to solve their problems. I am not a miracle worker, and I can't fix their relationship if they aren't willing to even try. However, now that a tragedy (i.e. my near-death) has officially occurred right under their noses, I am certain that it will bring them closer together than ever before."_

Yolei set the notebook down on the nightstand and curled up next to Ken. TK and Kari said nothing. The room was locked in an impasse. What to do now? Their relationship was back on track, but for how much longer? Would they still be able to keep their relationship alive, even after all the arguing and fighting? Ken's breakdown of their sessions clearly showed TK and Kari's inability to have a mature, steady relationship without letting petty things get in their way. There was only a small glimmer of hope—the light at the end of the tunnel—that was far-off and distant. They would have to work day and night to reach that goal… should they choose to continue their connection at all, that is. Their bond was weak right now, but with time, they could make it strong and unbreakable, like how it used to be when they'd been younger. Kari thought that was a goal worth striving for.

She smiled and tightened her hold on TK's hand. She looked up at Ken and Yolei, perfectly content to just lie side by side with each other, and Kari couldn't help but envision her and TK doing the same thing. She _wanted_ to be able to do that with him, she _wanted_ to know that he would always be there for her, no matter what.

She was going to make sure that happened.

"Thank you so much, Ken." Kari said softly. TK nodded his thanks as well, and they turned to head out the door.

Before either of them could completely exit the room, Ken said, "You're welcome. Both of you. I'm glad I could be of help." He smiled fully and said in a suspicious tone, "By the way, TK… it says here in the newspaper that your mother is going to be on a talk show next week…" TK frowned in confusion. "It seems as though her latest book, '_A Fruity Topic' _is looking to be a best-seller."

TK's face paled as he whispered, "… fruity?"

Ken whimpered, nodding, and hid his flabbergasted face in Yolei's shoulder.

They were all going to need some serious therapy after this.

* * *

Reviews are appreciated... thanks!!


	14. Bonus Chapter: The Talk Show

So, a few things to say before I sign off. One - thanks to everyone that has reviewed/favourited/alerted/etc... I really appreciate all of it!

Second, a big thanks to **90MLLu**, for the idea regarding this bonus chapter. I hope you like it!!!

And third... well, I can't remember what I was going to say. But I'm sure it'll come to me later XD

Disclaimer on profile.

* * *

TK sat beside his mother as she prattled away, explaining to him just how excited she was for this _amazing_ opportunity and how glad she was that he was here to support her. He nodded along, appearing outwardly enthusiastic for her, but inwardly…

He was slowly withering, like an earthworm left to bake and fry on the scorching pavement during midday.

The loud, rambunctious crowd was cheering appropriately even though the show hadn't started yet. The cameramen were priming the cameras that would capture his mother's image and voice as she passionately explained to thousands of people the birds and the bees: _Takaishi style_. TK could only imagine it now—the perfect specimens of fruit moving across a polished table, their high-pitched voice floating through the stage and audience as his mother weaved a tale of teenage curiosity and sexual frustration.

He whimpered, and coughed as his mother powdered her face excessively, still talking to him non-stop. The powder puff came down as the lipstick came up to smear her lips in a vibrant shade of red.

Suddenly, she paused and turned to look at her son.

"TK," her serious voice said, "this is a very important day for both of us, you know." TK nodded. "And I couldn't be happier that you're here with me." More nodding. "So, I want you to be right up there with me when I go onstage!"

Her exclamation froze TK's senses and he uncomprehendingly stared at her hopeful, shining face of joy. His insides screamed for him to take the vase on the table and smash it over his head, rendering him blissfully unconscious. But alas, it was not to be. His mother smothered him with hugs and kisses as the desperation in his eyes grew to colossal proportions.

Why was this happening? When he'd heard about the talk show, he'd been mortified, but he'd gotten over it eventually due to his undying faith and support for his mother's ideas and projects. It wasn't everyday that someone he knew got to be on TV… TK just wished the _topic_ she was going to be discussing wasn't so… _personal_. He could have handled it if it was just with a group of her chatty, hair-brained friends... but on _television_?

TK gulped, wiping the sweat from his brow and tried to steady himself against the onslaught of nausea and light-headedness. He excused himself, leaving his overly-excited mother happily applying yet another layer of mascara (wasn't one enough, anyways?) and ventured to the back exit door, where the fresh air called to him.

Outside, he inhaled the dusky air greedily, and tried to calm himself down. Now, not only was he faced with just having to _be_ in the hellhole… no, now he was required to get up on stage to face the cameras and hundreds of audience members like it was no big deal.

The panic was most definitely setting in.

The fresh air was doing nothing to calm TK's racing heartbeat, or his infuriatingly sweaty palms. Nor did it have any effect on his reaction when someone tapped him on the shoulder unexpectedly.

TK shrieked and jumped back, stumbling over loose pebbles, but thankfully keeping his balance—there would be no embarrassing tripping incidents _today._

"Chill," Matt said while chuckling at his younger brother's startled response at his simple gesture.

TK merely heaved a sigh, rubbing his hands over his haggard face. His brother couldn't possibly understand what was going through his mind right now, and he couldn't possibly _do_ anything to make it better… unless, for some reason, Matt possessed the ability to make acid rain fall down and eat away at his flesh—thus marring TK's visage and rendering him unsuitable for the public eye.

_If only…_

TK's day dreams were interrupted by a young stage crew member, who grabbed his arm and mumbled about cheap coffee as he dragged poor Takeru over to one of the make-up stations to be prepped for the show. There wasn't a lot of time left before he was to make his debut—already his mother was out there, blushing for the camera and waving at her adoring fans. The talk show host was introducing her; voice booming and even from backstage, TK could just _feel_ the cheerful aura radiating off the man.

The lady powdering his face (when had he given her permission to do that?) chatted to him, her high-pitched voice oddly soothing compared to the rambunctious laughter and clapping playing in the background. As the powdery substance coated his face, he was glad that the girl had put it on thickly because without it, he'd probably look like a ripened tomato about now. His cheeks were flushing magnificently and his palms felt cold and clammy and no matter what he did, they were continually sweaty. Pretty soon, TK would have a crisis on his hands—if the current situation didn't already count as one.

After that, TK slipped deeper into his mind, blocking his senses and concentrating solely on the building panic welling up inside him. He didn't hear when the stage crew man told him it was time to go on—he was too busy listening to his pounding heartbeat. He wasn't aware of the wafting scent of donuts as he passed by the snack table—all TK could smell was fear. He barely acknowledged the salty taste of sweat as he licked his suddenly dry lips—he'd been biting his tongue so hard that the harsh flavour of blood rested on his taste buds. TK had no idea that rushing employees were knocking into him—he could only feel a cold, foreshadowing chill throughout his tense body. And TK certainly did not see the crowd in its hundreds, coming closer and closer as his feet moved him forward—the blinding glare of the stage lights blocked his sight impossibly.

TK came to awareness slowly as he sat down in a plush, red chair next to his mother, who put her arm around her son, smiling brightly and telling the talk show host just how much she loved him. TK smiled back at her in a fake manner, trying to convey with his eyes just how much he wanted to magically transform the glass of water on the table into a gigantic black hole that would suck him up into nothingness, which was infinitely more ideal than being under the piercing lights of center stage.

TK's neck grew sweaty—a sure sign of impending doom—and he sat on his hands to stop them from shaking too much. Holding his breath, he tried to act naturally and face the audience, but he feared he was turning from cherry red to blueberry blue. The sudden release and intake of air cleared up that problem, thankfully, but TK had no more time to practice his camera skills, because the talk show host's attention had rapidly turned to him. Feeling very vulnerable, TK faced the man anxiously.

"So, it's TK, right?"

TK nodded, eyes shifting and resting on the innocent bowl of fruit placed beside the questioning man.

"Have you read your mother's book at all? You must be _so_ proud of her success—I bet you've got tons of signed copies at home!"

TK laughed nervously because in all truth, he'd been too frightened to even consider reading such an embarrassing book. "I've, umm, definitely read it. It was great!"

He failed miserably at being enthusiastic, but that did not faze the over-happy host.

"And how did you like chapter six? Did it inspire you?"

The audience laughed along with the talk show host, and his mother giggled beside him. It was a sure sign that if he was ever to actually pick up the book, he'd have to avoid chapter six like the plague.

"Chapter six? That was my favourite chapter! I was _so_ inspired!" TK's fake smile hid his whimper as a very outraged mother of his glared harshly; her eyes screaming at him that they'd be having a chat about this later.

The host's hearty laugh died off as he stated, "You are simply too much, my young man! Do you have a girlfriend?"

A nod confirmed this.

"Is she pretty?"

Another nod.

"Do you love her?"

TK paused. The audience was enraptured—young love was so exciting! He hesitantly affirmed his undying love as the entire crowd simultaneously sighed in unison. It was like the audience had been transformed into a raging mob of fan girls, out to ensure he wasn't wasting his youth on video games or junk food, but on love instead. He was glad he had their approval, but what happened next made him wish that the cloudless sky would muster up a lightening bolt, and hit him with it forcefully enough to cause sudden death.

TK became dizzy and disoriented as the host's magnified voice announced a new visitor, and as a shy head poked out from backstage to come and sit beside him. Kari's scent of spring-time flowers invaded his nose, and he silently hoped that there was a God out there merciful enough to end his unfair existence.

No such luck.

However, the show went on a commercial break right then, which was almost as good. The stage crew moved Kari and TK to a different section of the stage, where they each sat on a stool, and waited for someone to pull the fire alarm, thus allowing them to skedaddle out of this hellhole forever. They could go live out in the country, where they'd eat wild berries everyday, and do nothing but sit and stare at the blue, blue sky.

This delicate fantasy was shattered into millions of pieces when the show continued on, as it had before.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen," the host announced, "it's time to see how well these two lovebirds _really_ know each other."

The spotlights landed on TK and Kari, who sat stiffly and uncomfortably in their chairs. They wondered if this could possibly get any worse.

And yet somehow... _it didn't._ As the talk show host explained the rules of the game to the couple, TK and Kari relaxed because the test to prove their knowledge of each other was the exact same one Ken had used on them not too long ago. And now, they were prepared for _anything_ he could throw their way.

His first question, directed at Kari was, "How often does TK shower?"

Kari grinned and replied into the microphone, "At least once a day—I make sure of _that_."

Signalling that she'd gotten the answer correct, he turned to TK, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "What colour of underwear is Kari wearing today?"

"Today's Saturday, isn't it?" TK hummed as he thought. "I'll have to go with green polka-dots."

The crowd rambunctiously laughed as the host wondered aloud how exactly TK knew that piece of information. TK chose not to comment.

The next question for Kari was, "What is TK's favourite kind of fruit?"

She answered simply, "Pineapple, with a side of barbeque sauce."

TK smirked, mouth watering at the thought of that delicious, juicy pineapple, dipped in the barbeque sauce and shovelled into his mouth not-so-delicately…

The questions went on, each one answered correctly, honestly, and above all, with a confidence that could only be obtained when one knows the answer like they know the back of their hand.

Once the last question was done, the talk show host turned to them, laughing gaily as he declared for all to hear, "You two are _perfect_ for each other!"

Kari giggled and poked TK's side, gesturing to the bowl of fruit. A large, scary-looking orange sat directly on top of the bunch. TK smiled, imagining Ken's face plastered to the orange's surface as he replied, "Yeah, I guess we kind of are."

* * *

Yeah, so... weird ending, I guess. But I needed to include Ken in there somewhere, right?

Review?


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